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Then he pulled my hand under his kilt: He pulls my hand and I follow him through the throng. Learning leather bars was different from learning life outside the closet. I never feared coming out — but kink scared me. Fear coupled with desire leads us all here — eager, fresh-faced, and ready to learn. Most of the photos in this gallery are by Matt Baumea long time Advocate contributor. They were taken mostly at the Seattle Eagle, but some are from leather and kink events, like the yearly IML in Chicago. A word of warning from Alex Cheves. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.

I am a sex-positive writer and blogger.

Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. DO come as you are. Last Pride, the outdoor deck of my local leather bar was standing-room-only, a swaying mass of sweat and skin. Furry pecs were buckled down in black leather straps, asses were out, and every few minutes a man stood, coming up for air, before dropping back to his knees. Most were gay men, but some femdoms female dominants were in attendance.

They spilled out the front and back entrances onto both porches, into the parking lot, down the sidewalk and around the block — men in various states of dress and undress.

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Others wore bondxge and t-shirt. Some, like me, wore almost nothing. Every body type was on display. Large folks of every gender strutted jockstraps. Skinny kinksters slinked through in latex. Countless guys like me — guys who work out but still eat donuts, who keep their beards trim and bellies natural — felt confident to lose shirts and more.

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The lovely thing about my hometown leather bar — and about leather bars across the world, and about the communities they serve — is the invite for everyone of every size. Different bars and clubs have different policies — some require gear, some require you to get through a selective doorman, some are male-only — but these are few. Most are open to all kinky people, and kinky people come in every shape, size, gender, and color. Come as you are. DO come in proper attire. In many leather bars, you can get by in jeans and a t-shirt. Some are more intense, catered to people actively in the scene who know fetish wear, and require you to meet dress code to get in the door.

Find out beforehand if certain gear is required. Gawking may be one of two things: Try not to gawk, if you can help it. You might see many different body types in little or no clothing. You might see someone getting paddled, flogged, or fisted. DO respect collar code. He has a partner, owner, daddy, handler, committed boyfriend, master, or sir. DO be aware what happens in play areas, cruise hallways, and dark backrooms. If you get touched and are simply a voyeur not there to playgently push their hand away — and if you have to do this a lot, leave. Some leather bars go a step further and have a sling room, or have some sex furniture available, and will likely have low light so you can see well enough to use it.

You may attract an audience, which some consider part of the fun. DO tip all performers. Go-go dancers, drag queens, and porn stars are not there for free. DO wait until after a kink demonstration to barrage the demonstrator with questions. Many leather bars have demos for various kinky sex acts. The last one I attended was a needle play demo. This was delivered by a professional on an experienced sub. I was filled with questions — so was everyone else. When the pro was ready to take our questions, everyone raised hands. We were gathered around a man lying belly-down on a table with needles inserted through pinched layers of skin down his back.

Needle play — a lesser-known kink — requires expert-level skill and certain precautions gloves, sterilized needles, and so on to be enjoyed with a degree of safety. Other kinksters will be there, some with more experience than you, some with less. Between their questions and yours, most questions will get answered. Listen to what others ask. This is how kinks, particularly niche ones, are handed down. Leather bars are implicitly more sexual, because they cater to a community that defines itself by the sex its patrons enjoy.

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